I Prophesize A Riot

With Legion, a tale of a war in heaven spilling over onto Earth, about to be unleashed on the world, I'd thought I'd check out a similar story in 1995's The Prophecy. Directed by Highlander writer/produced Gregory Widen, it has 'bad' angel Gabriel (Christopher Walken) seek out the most evil human soul on Earth, to tip the scales in his favor, in a millennia old war that rages in heaven. Fortunately, 'good' angel hides the recently departed soul in a child and then it's up to priest-turned-cop Elias Koteas and school teacher Virgina Madsen to keep the child from Walken's clutches.

While I have fond memories of The Prophecy, I had a recollection that it was a little unimaginative and dull in comparison with Widen's original Highlander movie. Not so in actuality, as it's a strongly directed supernatural hide and seek movie with a well constructed mythology and serious tone. The cast are strong, but Walken is tremendous as the driven archangel, jealous that God has turned away from angel-kind to favor His human creations. There's a nice line in humour provided by the unfortunate sidekicks that Walken manipulated into driving him around and Viggo Mortensen pops up as Satan, determined to have an influence on the heavenly conflict.

Simple in story but weighty in themes and myth, small in scale but epic in imagination, it's a shame that Widen never directed anything else as the guy definitely had a flair for it.

Vernon Wells: 80's Fashion Icon

Forget Tango & Cash and Passenger 57. They may seem like the ultimate in Bullshit Action Movies, but they're not. After Rambo II pretty much invented the plotles, one man army destroctofest, it was up to Schwarzenegger's 1985 extravaganza Commando to bullshit it up. And, by golly, does it dumb it down in such a dizzyingly entertaining manner that it's easy to maintain this is still king of the hill. Here's a few reasons why:-

1/ The pre-title assassination montage.
2/ The title sequence including parent/child bonding, chopping trees and eating questionable sandwiches.
3/ Major General Franklin Kirby, doing the Richard Crenna role of bigging Arnie up, just in case we never got what a bad-ass he is.
4/ Arnie smelling the baddies coming...downwind.
5/ Vernon Well's memorable bad guy, Bennett.
6/ Arnie's digital watch...counting the seconds down in mega-loud "24"-style bleeping.
7/ Rae Dawn Chong's exasperated Kate Capshaw impression. Plus some great one-liner reaction shots.
8/ Vernon Well's camp, leather trousers.
9/ "Don't disturb my friend. He's DEAD tired".
10/ Vernon Well's camp moustache.
11/ The classic blooper...the yellow Porche is written off on the drivers side...yet appears unscratched moments later!
12/ Little Alyssa Milano, she to be in TV's Charmed as an adult actress, as Chenny (er, Jenny).
13/ Vernon Well's pot belly.
14/ "You fuckin' whore".
15/ James Horner's definitive action score (see 48 Hrs, Gorky Park, Red Heat for inferior derivatives).
16/ "Fuck you asshole"...."No, fuck YOU asshole!"
17/ Vernon Well's weedy arms.
18/ John F Leonetti's reliably, gritty photography.
19/ "Attention all units, emergency on theater level, suspect six foot two, brown hair. He's one gigantic motherfucker".
20/ Vernon Well's camp, string vest.
21/ Wow! It's been so long since I've seen this that there's actually scenes of character development, as Arnie explains his crap history as a father for Chenny, to a bewildered Rae Dawn Chong.
22/ The tool shed massacre in the directors cut, with glorious extra gore. 56 additional seconds are in the original cinema release (and the Aussie DVD).
23/ Hey, isn't that Bill Paxton in a small role as a navel radio operator!
24/ "Let off some steam Bennett".

January Pick 'n' Mix - Part 2

With a rumoured Avatar sex scene to appear on the DVD, here's what it may play like...



James Cameron himself promotes his Avatar follow up, co-starring Sigourney Weaver...



Then there's this compilation of the 100 cheesiest lines of all time (there's actually some brilliant one-liners in this lot, including my favorite quip of all time from They Live)...



Anna Faris in Hollywood recession short film...



Wes Anderson's cool acceptance speach for Fantastic Mr Fox...



This amusing Vinnie Jones sketch...



And Adam West doing what West does best...

The Perm Metal Prom Massacre

There are times when watching an Oscar nominated movie seems too heavy going. There are times when watching one of your favorite blockbusters seems like deja vu...after all you might have watched it 500 times before tonight. And there are time when watching a new movie is too risky...after all, if it's boring then it's a waste of 90 minutes. That's where watching crap comes in. Guaranteed to entertain, especially if you haven't seen it in two decades, and never bore you.

Trick or Treat is THAT crap movie. Cut from the same comedy/horror cloth as the Elm Street sequels it has bullied, metalhead, loser 'Ragman' play the final demo of recently deceased, hair-metal legend Sammi Curr. The ghost of Curr initially allows Ragman to get revenge on those high school, jock bullies...but Sammi becomes corporeal again, whenever his music is played, and causes havoc.

God, this is dumb. Why the ghost of a deceased, Ozzy style, heavy metal singer would want to assist a twat like Ragman is beyond me. Surely he'd have better stuff to do?
It thinks it's funny (it's littered with cartoonish sight gags)... but it's not. It's not scary, gory or even remotely disturbing. But what it is, is a cheesy teenage heavy metal fantasy of the fabled institution of 'rock' kicking the popular kid's asses. And with the helps of some spectacularly dated, but amazingly still cool (in a cheesy, marooned forever in a land made of cheese kind of way) Fastway tunes, Trick or Treat made my night. Ozzy himself makes an amusing cameo as a preacher disgusted by suggestive Metal lyrics, while Gene Simmons turns up as a rock D.J.

A film to unintentionally laugh at, as well as watch in the conventional sense, I had a nostalgic ball watching this turkey again. Now if only I could find my copy of Wes Craven's Shocker...

Precious 2: The Blind Sided Sequel

What is it with deprived-people-make-good, coming of age stories this awards season? There's the middle class Brit version in An Education and there's the abused kid from The Bronx version in Precious...all up for major film awards. Joining that group comes yet another variation on the theme in The Blind Side, starring Golden Globe winner Sandra Bullock. Newcomer Quinton Aaron plays Big Mike, a fat, practically homeless black kid who, with the help of a friends dad, gets into a posh, christian high school based on his athletic abilities. Bullock, feeling sorry for the lad, takes him in to her 2.4 family mansion and selflessly takes on the role of his mother. Sports opportunities soon follow in this true story (aren't they all).

While I've always liked Sandra Bullock I've never seen anything in her body of work to suggest she's capable of an Oscar worthy performance. But The Blind Side does indeed prove there's more to her than rom-coms. Her Leigh Anne Tuohy is an abrupt, no nonsense, plain speaking, stern, force of nature. But, unusually for such a ultra-privileged business woman, her confidence extends to doing what is right, even if it means walking into dangerous inner city neighbourhoods or falling out with her white, elitest, racist friends. It's a different side to Bullock we've rarely seen and, to her credit, she mostly disappears into the role. Hers is a role with an iron exterior, but gets to show the warmth and humor that lies beneath the gruffness.

Tonally this isn't anywhere near as dark as Precious, being a lighter studio friendly, star vehicle. It does, worryingly promote Christian values a little too much at times...but at least shows the darker side of those that would think of themselves as Christians, yet behave in a prejudiced, unhelpful and immoral way.
It doesn't get over sentimental either, staying just the right side of heart warming and uplifting.

The supporting cast, including country and western singer Tim McGraw, Kim Dickens (as yet another teacher who makes a difference) Kathy Bates and newcomer Quinton Aaron all turn in strong roles. But it's Bullock's show and she gets to remind everybody just why she's still on the Hollywood A-list. I'll be honest that I still prefer An Education's Carey Mulligan to run away with the best actress Oscar, but you'll now get no complaints from me if the bird from Speed gets it this year.

Come In Double 'O' Fourteen...Your Time Is Up

My reason for watching The Informant! was because it's directed by Steven Soderbergh and not because I'm trying to catch up with as many potential award winners before the Oscars in February. Strange then, that the overriding thought when viewing this adaptation of a true story is, "Why hasn't Matt Damon been recognised for his fine work with more award nominations?"

Informant is loosely based ("so there!" states a pre-credit disclaimer)on real life informer, Mark Whittaker, who after working with the FBI in the early 90's to bring down a corporate corn producing entity due to global illegal price fixing, decided to profit from his double dealings and make millions. Damon plays Whitaker as a flake. A dreamer. A man who thinks he's far cleverer than he actually is (given a wire taping device he thinks he's 0014...because he's double James Bond's 007) and a man who can never stop lying, no matter the sincerity of all those around him (his wife, colleagues, lawyers, FBI) to tell 100% the truth. Damon is both mesmerising and embarrassing to watch as you see him test the patience and intelligence of those he's both trying to help and trying to deceive.

Soderbergh directs with style, as always. Despite having a 90's setting, the film is shot and designed like a late 70's early 80's piece of cinema, aided by Marvin Hamlish's period style score. Script wise it's rather meandering and a bit repetitive as Damon gets more and more entwined in his own lies. As with most Soderbergh efforts the humor is of the dry and reserved variety...but not always as funny as it thinks it is. Still this is worth watching for Damon alone. He got a Golden Globe nomination for his supporting role in Eastwood's Invictus...but did practically bugger all to deserve it. Here, the man is a legend.

Goats Who Stare At Clooney

The third offering from Mr Clooney, this month, comes in the for of 'The Men Who Stare At Goats', directed by Mr C's long time producing partner Grant Heslov (who you may know better as the middle eastern-looking actor who plays sidekicks in True Lies and Scorpion King...yeah, him). As with Fantastic Mr Fox and Up In The Air it's an amusing, offbeat tale that is told with a straight face and dry humour.

It follows a newly separated reporter (Ewan MacGregor) who, looking for a way to impress and win back his ex-partner, starts investigating the U.S. Army's psychic research brigade. Run by hippy warrior Jeff Bridges, it has psychic soldiers, or 'Jedi' as they'd prefer to be known (including George as well as Kevin Spacey as his rival), developing their skills so that they can brainwash the enemy, locate anything on the planet or kill a man (using goats to practice on) using only the power of their mind.

It's a lightly told comedy drama that's all about finding purpose and belief in ones life. It zips along pleasantly and has a smattering of laugh out loud guffaws amongst the wit and subtle silliness. I especially like Spacey's attempts to develop subliminal DVD's for trainee soldiers, including the one that suggests "not to drive a tank in the desert if high on acid". Nice.